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  1. *

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    Shane: Hello?
    Unknown Caller: Is this bird professor?
    Shane: …uh yes?
    Unknown Caller: Cool. Do humming birds have legs?
    Shane: What?
    Unknown Caller: Do humming birds—
    Shane: No, I heard you. Yes they have legs.
    Unknown Caller: [loud cheering in the background] I win! Thank you bird professor.
    Shane: …uh you're welcome?
    Unknown Caller: Goodbye.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,418
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    221
    Kudos:
    2,649
    Bookmarks:
    314
    Hits:
    9,610
  2. 53

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    Carter Vaughn (NY): LISTEN UP I will give $1000 to whoever gets Shane Hollander drunk tonight

    Ilya Rozanov (BOS): easy $1000

    Ilya Rozanov (BOS): Hollander has never seen a good time because he lives in montreal with boring montreal teammates

    JJ 🏆💰: he had us in the first half ngl

    Shane: he had nothing in no halves

    Shane: I will have ONE beer

    or:

    Scott Hunter makes a groupchat of everyone staying on the tenth floor at the hotel during the 2016 All Star Game. Shane has more than one beer.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,335
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    26
    Kudos:
    671
    Bookmarks:
    68
    Hits:
    3,953
  3. *

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    Summary

    What if Shane broke no contact post Tuna Meltdown by texting Ilya "happy new year?"

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,617
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    88
    Kudos:
    1,340
    Bookmarks:
    176
    Hits:
    11,260
  4. *

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    On the poster, Ilya’s own face looked back at him through a Snapchat dog filter, the image clearly taken to show off his flexed torso. Ilya didn’t recognize the selfie. He could’ve sent it to any number of girls. Someone had put jail bars over the image and below it, in bold letters, was simple text:

    ILYA ROZANOV:
    THIS MAN IS A DOG!
    TEXT IRIS TO JOIN THE SUPPORT GROUP

    ~ or ~

    Following the tuna melt diaster, Ilya goes out to a bar in Boston and sees a poster for an Ilya Rozanov support group. Posing as Lily, he joins a group chat of his past consquests and discovers that he's not nearly as hard to figure out as he thinks he is.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,372
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    336
    Kudos:
    2,577
    Bookmarks:
    403
    Hits:
    13,351
  5. *

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    Shane would like it to be known that it is not his fault that the stadium is now full of women carrying lilies. He blames Rose, in fact he blames Rose and every member of the Montreal Metros, especially Hayden.

    She said it would be so funny for her to give him flowers. She said it would be so funny that she spread an inside joke with the lilies. Shane is not laughing right now; in fact, he’s being laughed at by every single member of his team.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,022
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    61
    Kudos:
    2,219
    Bookmarks:
    400
    Hits:
    18,416
  6. *

    Summary

    A collection of oneshots - mostly missing and/or reimagined scenes, but let's see where the inspiration takes me next. All stories feature Russian language to some extent, hence the title.

    Words:
    19,740
    Works:
    4
    Bookmarks:
    193
  7. *

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    Summary

    “You speak Russian?” Ilya’s voice is simultaneously incredulous and thrilled, like he can’t quite believe it, but he’s excited all the same.

    Hayden shakes his head, shrugging, still rocking Amber. “Uh, not really? I only know a few words and phrases here and there from my Deda and Baba. I understand it more than I can speak it.”

    Ilya’s eyes somehow get wider. “Deda and Baba- You have Russian grandparents? You are Russian?!”

    “I guess? Technically?”

    -

    Hayden Pike never really talks about his mom's family. Ilya finds out why and decides he simply *must* fix this.

    He is going to teach Hayden Pike how to be Russian, whether Hayden likes it or not.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,172
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    60
    Kudos:
    1,239
    Bookmarks:
    211
    Hits:
    8,474
  8. 20

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    Ilya and Shane go to visit some old friends in Boston, and Ilya decides catch the Haiti vs Scotland game at a bar with Cliff. They meet the Tartan Army. Chaos ensues.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,058
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    23
    Kudos:
    234
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    1,015
  9. *

    Tags
    Summary

    or: 5 times Ilya got defeated by English and 1 time Ilya defeated English.
    A birthday social media fic for the best hockey player, Ilya Rozanov

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,681
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    43
    Kudos:
    1,283
    Bookmarks:
    180
    Hits:
    11,073
  10. *

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    Summary

    Shane: All this hiding, and we can’t even be together when it really matters?
    Shane: Fuck that. Fuck all of it. I’m coming to Florida.
    Shane: I choose you. Always.

    Ilya: I love you.

    Shane: I love you, too.
    Shane: Are you going to tell me not to come?

    Ilya: Fuck no.
    Ilya: I need you here. Please hurry.

    Shane: I’ll tell the pilot to fly faster ❤️ I’m paying him enough.
    Shane: Don’t drink too much, because we’re going to have a lot of really emotional sex when I get there, and I can’t have your dick going limp on me.

    Ilya: He would NEVER.

    Shane: ❤️

    __________

    Troy: Holy shit.
    Troy: HOLY SHIT.
    Troy: Shane Hollander is naked in your bed.
    Troy: Shane Hollander is NAKED in your bed.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,936
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    566
    Kudos:
    17,118
    Bookmarks:
    1,876
    Hits:
    86,294
  11. *

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    Summary

    Repressed gay hockey player Shane Hollander freaks out and breaks off the months long situationship between him and popstar Ilya Rozanov. It shouldn't be that shocking when 7 months later there's an album being released about their relationship.

    or

    Sabrina Carpenter-type popstar Ilya Rozanov releases his new album 7 months post-situationship breakup
    *Word count is fucked because I used Twinote & ChatTales because idk how to code properly yet, so sorry*

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    548
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    140
    Kudos:
    469
    Bookmarks:
    120
    Hits:
    6,375
  12. *

    Tags
    Summary

    Roz: it’s weird with her
    Roz: idk if anyone else ever has this happen
    Roz: but I can’t get enough from her
    Roz: usually after sex with someone I am done
    Roz: but the more I have of Jane, the more I want
    Roz: weird, right?

    Hammer: sounds like you’re falling for her, Rozy

    Roz: no, no
    Roz: like, sometimes I want to see her even after sex
    Roz: or text her but not dick pics
    Roz: weird feeling, like horny but for talking or hanging out
    Roz: its confusing, hard to explain

    Cliff: you’re literally just describing liking a person

    Cliff Marleau's seen his captain through some crazy times and some wild crash outs. This is a little foray into some of the group chats and nights out with the boys. Especially when Cap is in his feels about his Montreal Girl.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,449
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    8
    Comments:
    898
    Kudos:
    9,879
    Bookmarks:
    1,297
    Hits:
    85,809
  13. *

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    Summary

    Luca: if we are holding our horses that means we want to go outside?

    Luca: take a break and go see animals?

    Ilya: yes

    Ilya: exactly

    In which Ilya Rozanov self-appoints himself the official unofficial English tutor to one very confused Luca Haas

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,129
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    66
    Kudos:
    4,099
    Bookmarks:
    452
    Hits:
    22,140
  14. *

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    Summary

    Buck needs to know what’s in that box.

    “Oh no. I know that face,” Eddie sighs. “You’re about to become weird about this, aren’t you?”

    “Aren’t you curious about what’s in the box Eddie??”

    “Not curious enough to get stabbed.”

    Buck ponders the downsides of getting stabbed versus getting answers.

    “Buck.”

    “No, I know! I know!” he concedes. “I, Even Buck Buckley, promise not to get myself stabbed in the noble pursuit of knowledge.”

     

    meanwhile...

     

    Wife City 💅

    Eddie: How do I get Buck to look at me disrespectfully?

    Maddie: no

     

    Or: the one where Buck is living in a mystery romcom while Eddie is stuck in horny jail hell.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    68,684
    Chapters:
    11/11
    Comments:
    211
    Kudos:
    1,331
    Bookmarks:
    368
    Hits:
    40,889
  15. *

    Words:
    87,423
    Works:
    3
    Bookmarks:
    333
  16. 11

    Tags
    Summary

    Shane has listened to it so many times, that he can tell just when Rozanov slows down the movement on his cock to keep from coming too fast, the intonations that signal signs of struggle. He memorises every clipped syllable, categorises it by ‘accent’ or ‘horniness’. He wishes he could just sit him down, play him the recording and dissect it with him. He’d ask, “Here. Were your hands pressing down on the base of your cock to stop yourself? Were you as desperate for it as I was?”
    -
    Ilya can't type because of his injured hand, so he sends Shane a few voice messages. Shane's brain blows a fuse and he has a pervert moment about it. Sorry.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,418
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    51
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    582
  17. 6

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    Summary

    "The song is called About You, and like, duh, of course it's about someone, but Kip, the frontman, announced it by saying like 'this is about you, you know how you are', and just straight up stared into the camera that was filming them and then fucking saluted before playing it, and the crowd went absolutely wild."

    Scott's blood suddenly ran cold when Carter mentioned the name. Kip. How high were the odds that this was...?

    --

    AU in which Scott and Kip meet under different circumstances, hook up twice, and Scott think's that's that. But then he learns that Kip is in a famous band and has dedicated a song to a mysterious lover while Scott is his regular hockey-playing and spiralling self.

     
    Most of the fic is already written – updates Tuesdays – chapter count might still go up

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,867
    Chapters:
    2/7
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    40
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    271
  18. *

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    Summary

    Ilya goes on a roadie while Shane is still on LTIR.

    LISA: Whatever rocks your socks

    NICOLE: Whatever tickles your fancy

    CASSIE: Whatever flips your pancake

    SELENA: Whatever turns your crank

    CAITLIN: Whatever fondles your goose

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,112
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    273
    Kudos:
    8,988
    Bookmarks:
    577
    Hits:
    46,706
  19. *

    Tags
    Summary

    Anyway, Shane didn't remember exactly what was in the folder ... But he knew they were all good shots of him.

    He hastily clicked open the folder, his eyes barely glancing through the dozen or so shots there, vaguely registering a picture with a sunset background from his condo balcony, something of him laughing, a picture of him working at his laptop with his glasses on...

    The director called him again, and he shook his head, the photos blurring. Whatever. It would have to do.

    He clicked "select all," then the messages icon, then Rozanov's name. Hit send.

    ----

    Or: When never-hooked-up Shane and Ilya have to collaborate on a league charity project, Shane accidentally sends Ilya a nude.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    47,304
    Chapters:
    11/11
    Comments:
    5,979
    Kudos:
    19,087
    Bookmarks:
    5,957
    Hits:
    280,855
  20. *

    Tags
    Summary

    While trying to write to his friend studying abroad in Moscow, Shane Hollander accidentally reaches Ilya Rozanov.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    33,660
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    9,182
    Kudos:
    46,123
    Bookmarks:
    12,683
    Hits:
    680,266

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